136. 3.34A.M.

Having just completed the story of Assassin’s Creed 4, I suppose a review should be in place – especially after my brutal trashing on the series’ previous installment.

But the hour is late, so another day.

(if you were wondering: yes, that has pretty much what I’ve been up to since yesterday’s post. The game was a distraction, but hardly a good one, in the way that it only made me more worked up and frustrated. But I was frustrated at the game instead of myself, so I guess I won some and I lost some)

I must take this time to clarify that yesterday’s post wasn’t at all my “screw this, I quit” notice. Far from it, in fact. If anything, I’ve decided to continue doing this thing, pay or no pay. The former would be much preferable, of course; but I’ll take whatever comes my way. You can’t change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails, amiright?

I try to be careful about making any conclusive statements concerning the future. Those of you who know me in person might notice that I consciously avert the usage of “never” and “always” in making commitments. Perhaps it’s a fear of commitment; but I think it stems more from my INTP fear of inaccuracy.

You see, there’s this thing that psychologists have taken to call the End-of-history illusion. In a nutshell: try and imagine yourself 5 years from now. You might imagine this Future-You to be more successful, better off, and better connected, if you’re the optimistic sort; but regardless of whether you’re optimistic or the inverse, chances are that you’ve imagined that this Future-You would think and perceive the world like you do at this present moment. There’s a tendency to believe that who we are today, in terms of worldview and personality, will be who we are in the future, with little changes in perception.

Now think of yourself 5 years ago – the Past-You who lived at the end of 2008. If you’re like me, a good number of you would like to go back and slap that person hard in the face for being so stupid. See, if 5 years from the past and today have changed you so, what’s stopping the next 5 years from doing the same, if not more?

That’s the End-of-history illusion for you.

Back to me: I’m self-aware enough to know that these emotions, while intense, are passing feelings. Illogical things. Not to go all Spock-like, but I know how not to make hasty decisions while clouded by strong emotions. Trust me, it’s going to take a lot more than a few rejections and setbacks to make me quit writing stories for real.

(if you think about it on the flip side, this obsession with writing stories really sounds like a highly addictive drug. It already produces vivid hallucinations; and its users suffers from withdrawal when they either don’t get their fix, or they happen across a particularly bad batch)

The inverse is also true, if one applies the End-of-history illusion to my statement that I will continue to write. Who knows? Perhaps 5 years from now, I’ll make another decision. One day, I might stop writing for real. But in the immortal words of Arya Stark:

(or Masie Williams, with the help of Mr. Martin)

Not today.


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