57. Joseph Ng: Wizard

The next time someone asks me what do I do, I won’t tell them I’m a writer.

I’ll tell them I’m a wizard.

This is how I imagine the conversation to go down:

REALLY CUTE GIRL
So Joseph, what do you do?

ME
(casually)
Oh, I’m a wizard.

REALLY CUTE GIRL
…I’m sorry, did you just say you’re a wizard?

ME
That’s right.

REALLY CUTE GIRL
You mean you do magic shows and stuff?

ME
No, no. You’re thinking of a magician. I’m a wizard.

REALLY CUTE GIRL
Oh. I don’t really see the difference.

ME
DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJUROR OF CHEAP TRICKS!

I’m kidding. Following that, I will go on to explain how a magician is one who performs clever tricks achieved through the use of sleight of hand, misdirection, and elaborate props. As a wizard, I create things that have never existed before. So the conversation continues:

REALLY CUTE GIRL
Really? Like real magic?

ME
Not “like”. It IS magic.

REALLY CUTE GIRL
Cool! Can you give me a demonstration?

ME
No problem. What do you want me to create?

REALLY CUTE GIRL
I don’t know…

ME
Something that cannot possibly exist.

REALLY CUTE GIRL
Okay. How about… An airplane-sized hamster that plays the xylophone?

ME
No problem.
(whips out phone and begins typing)

REALLY CUTE GIRL
What are you doing?

ME
Creating.
(finishes typing)
There you go.
(hands phone to Really Cute Girl)
Read it out.

REALLY CUTE GIRL
(receives phone, confused)
What?
(looks at phone, begins to read from it)
The tinkling of the xylophone were as the chimes of creation, filling their ears with a melody both great and terrible; and in the distance, Chomestaru, the awakened hamster-god walked through the city, crumbling buildings like they were made of matchsticks.
(looks up, bewildered)
What is this? You just wrote some really weird stuff.

ME
Right there. I created something that never existed before.

REALLY CUTE GIRL
What – Chomestaru, the hamster-god? It’s not even real.

ME
It’s real enough to the people in the story.

REALLY CUTE GIRL
…Dear God; you’re crazy. You’re lame AND you’re crazy.
(begins to walk away)

ME
DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJUROR OF CHEAP TRICKS!
(pause)
AND GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!!

Yeah, that’s pretty much how it’ll go down.

After reminiscing over The Talkative Turtle and Other Stories yesterday, I was reminded of a text message that Sharon had sent me about a week after I had fetched her from the airport. It came late on a Saturday afternoon, just as I was about to go up on stage to sing for the Saturday Worship Service. Her text read:

“Hey Joseph, just remembered something I wanted to share with you the other day but I forgot. I chanced upon an ad in NYC that said ‘Aside from food and shelter, stories are the most important thing in the world’ and I thought of you. Mainly because of the line you used in talkative turtle about how stories ARE magic. I remember telling Marina that was my favourite line. Just thought I’d share.”

Oh, the warm and fuzzy feeling that spread through me as I read that.

So watch out for it, people. Forget conventional titles on business cards that reads “writer”, or even unconventional ones that reads “wordsmith” or “wordslinger”. “Wizard” is now the way to go – exclusive to storytellers. Because it is true. Because I want it to be true.

Stories ARE magic.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s