23. Creating vs. Consuming

(I will get back to concluding “The F Word”… eventually)

My new semester has just begun.

Gone are the days of waking up at 12P.M., getting lunch because it’s too late to even call it brunch anymore, napping again in the afternoon, waking up in time for dinner, lazing around until supper, and sleeping after reading after supper. Say hello to waking up at 8A.M. (or at least try to), driving the 30 odd kilometers to campus, facing the evening traffic jams, and of course – having to think about assignments and quizzes and tests again.

I’m at that point of my life where older people never fail to remind me these are the best years of my life; and in a little less than 4 months, it will be all over. I guess I should be feeling a little bit more anxious about it, maybe feel some urgency to do the things I’ve never done. Live while we’re young, right? Do the things that we can do while we still have the energy and the endurance for it!

The thing is, though, I don’t really feel like it. It sounds like I’m missing out on life, but I’ve never really been the kind of person to want to travel the world (yes, despite my periodic longings to go out walking), or do so some hardcore adrenaline-pumping activity like, say, bungee jumping. I’ve never wanted to go on that sort of adventure – not out of fear or anything, but that I just don’t find it to be my type of activity, just like how I just cannot bring myself to enjoy electronic music, or dance floors, or the taste of alcohol.

(on the subject of alcohol, I am sick to death of people telling me that I will have to “grow up” to acquire a taste and enjoy it. I just hate the taste of alcohol the way some people hate the taste of onions – is that so difficult to understand?)

My passion, I guess, has always been more about creating the experience, as opposed to being in the experience. There’s nothing wrong with being in the experience – I enjoy sitting through a movie, I admire the beauty of nature, and I feel the music I listen to – but these things have always taken the back seat when there is the opportunity to create an experience. More than reading, I find my satisfaction in writing. More than listening, I find my fulfillment in singing. It’s more difficult, yes; more frustrating, yes; but I think those are also parts of what makes the act of creation all so rewarding. These days, while I’m enjoying the moment – consuming the moment, if I may – at the back of my mind, I’m also picking the experience apart to see how I can use this to enhance the works of my creation.

So when faced with the statement that my university years are the best years of my life – who’s to say, right? They could all be right. Maybe I will look back when I’m 25 or 30 years old, and reminisce the wonderful times that I’ve had in university. Maybe I will grow to tell young people the exact same things that I have internally scoffed at.

But what I do know is that at this moment, closing on the edge of a major life change, I just cannot wait to go out into that world and create something awesome for everyone to see.

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