4. Fairness and Love

“Love has nothing to do with fairness. Love is Love.” –Susan Page

There seems to be a lot of talk surrounding what should be “fair”. What should be “just”; what should be “right”. It’s an essential part of human nature, isn’t it – the need to be right. The need to be treated fairly, to get what one rightfully deserves.

But what is “fair”? Some people think that communism is fairness. Some people think that capitalism is fairness. And if the legal system is any indication, it seems that one of the things we can never agree on are semantics. Inequality, inequality everywhere – that much people can comment upon the world.

I think though, that we don’t suffer primarily from a lack of fairness in this world. I think we suffer primarily from a lack of love.


Our legal system is proof of a world that has lost its love for its fellow man. Fairness has no place in love. There is no room for love in fairness. The human heart isn’t big enough for the both of them, so to say. Every time we start talking about what we deserve from each other, we have already lost a little piece of that love that we share – that love which keeps us alive and makes staying alive meaningful.

“I have done this for her so many times; it’s about time she returned the favor.”

Yes, it sounds fair. It sounds right. It sounds just. But also know that fairness does not enrich one’s life. Rather than to fight so fiercely for what’s rightfully ours and demanding to be treated like how we should be – I think there’s a higher calling in letting go of small offenses. Of forgetting the sins of others. I think there’s a higher calling in love.

I’m not telling you to let people trample all over you. No – I’m suggesting that we be less petty for those closest to us; those whom we profess to love with everything that we have.

“I’m done. I’m done being the nice guy. I don’t deserve to be treated like this.”

There is no “I deserve” in love. There is no “It’s only fair” in love. Love is your parents paying for the meal even though they have already given you pocket money. Love is forgiving your brother for overwriting your 100% completion save file with a crappy new game, even before he apologizes. Love is never admitting to “I’m getting tired of your shit; I’m out”.

Love is about sharing your territory, not marking it and raising an electric fence around its boundaries. Love is never, never about giving up on the other person, even when they seem so undeserving.

After all – which one of us truly deserves to be loved anyway?


2 thoughts on “4. Fairness and Love

  1. Well said. Again, my favourite quote:
    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 6 NIV)

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